Top Ten Strangest Questions I’ve Been Asked While Working at a University Library Front Desk

10. Patron: If I was feeling particularly existentialist, what book would you recommend for me?

9. Patron: Hi. I’m looking for a book called Bay Wolves. Can you help me find it?

Me: Sure, let me look it up for you… Hmmm, sorry we don’t have any books by that name. Do you know the author’s name, maybe?

Patron: No, but I think it’s spelled kind of weird, like B-E-O… wolves.

Me: …Do you mean Beowulf?

8. Patron: Can you help me find the Law Library?

Me: [pulls out a map] The Law Library is right here. You just walk down this street, turn this corner, and you’ll be there.

Patron: Thanks, hopefully they’ll have a book about Newton’s Laws.

Me: Uh, maybe you’re looking for the Physics Library instead…?

7. Patron: Do you have a travel section?

Me: Yeah, we have a Study Abroad section. It’s right over there.

Patron: Cool. Does that section have Gulliver’s Travels?

6. Patron: Who is the author of Dante’s Inferno?

5. Patron: Hi, I’m looking for a book—The Lord of the Rings.

Me: Would you like all three, or are you looking for one of them in particular?

Patron: What? It’s not a series. I’m pretty sure there’s only one of them.

Me: [confused, but finds him the call numbers for all of them]

-an hour later, he returns-

Patron: Sorry, I meant Lord of the Flies.

4. Patron: Can I get the biochemistry book?

Me: Sure, which one?

Patron: Umm, the one with biochemistry questions in it.

3.  Patron: Where is your Shakespeare section?

Me: It’s on the third floor, in the “PR” section.

Patron: Cool, thanks. You guys have English versions of them, right?

2. Patron: I’m looking for that new book out, by Charles Dickens. Do you have it?

And the winner, one of the most commonly asked questions in the library:

1. Are there books here?