Maybe it’s no longer technically “quarantine” (or maybe it is—who can keep track!) but we’ve certainly been keeping (socially) distant for a while at this point. And while perhaps you’ve maintained your stylish look and mastered cutting your own hair, perhaps you’ve instead embraced a more slovenly lifestyle—for now.
If you’re seeking validation for that untamed mane, or just wanting to try something new, take a look at a few literary giants for inspiration—and note too that for this, we’ve stuck to just a few, rather iconic, writers. So since you’ve got the time, start working on the hair—natural or not—with these six writers you might consider emulating with your quarantine look.
1. “The Dostoevsky”
If you want something simple that reflects the constant amount of stress you’ve been under, look no further than “The Dostoevsky.” You’ve adopted a huge beard, but for whatever reason—who are we kidding, it’s the stress—the hair on your head has lost all pretense of volume. Like so many of us, it just hangs out limply in the same place each day, waiting for the distant return to normalcy (and product). On the bright side, “The Dostoevsky” shows the world that you feel deeply and are just moments away from getting to work on your own philosophical or literary masterpiece. On the dimmer side, well, the world can’t see you right now.
2. “The Hemingway”
For those of you who want a more professional-yet-rugged look, consider “The Hemingway.” Up top, you have things nice and tidy—maybe you’ve been doing that all year or maybe you’re struck with sudden inspiration—but you’ll be damned if you don’t use this opportunity to wear the biggest and best beard of your life. A beard that you can proudly display on your Zoom calls. A beard that shows you are undaunted in the face of adversity. Or, maybe you just want something to keep your cheeks warm. Either way, “The Hemingway” is here for you. (A word of caution: trying the Hemingway may cause a strong desire to seek out old fishing boats, wear turtleneck sweaters, and avoid $10 words.)
3. “The de Beauvoir”
Consider this: Quarantine has given you ample opportunity to finally dig into all that reading you’ve been meaning to do: structural inequity, check; the patriarchy, check; and existentialism—because, yes. If this sounds like you, then you’re ready to try “The de Beauvoir.” It’s time to adopt a look that shows both your capacity for reasoning and also your desire to remain practical. Getting the look right might take some time, but while you fold, tie, roll, or do whatever awesome thing she did to get her hair to stay that way, you can listen to more audiobooks and NPR. Sound good? Then “The de Beauvoir” is just what you’re looking for.
4. “The Einstein”
If all the chaos and clutter around you has finally revealed your true genius, then you might consider trying “The Einstein.” You probably haven’t gotten a haircut this whole year, so why not just blow it out in all its glory? Nothing says expansive mind like expansive hair. (Not too sure how he got it to stick up like that, but surely you can manage.) This is also a good look if you’re not ready to commit to the beard of “The Dostoevsky” or “The Hemingway,” but you are wanting to experiment with a mustache in that arena. Oh, very important: Don’t forget to stick your tongue out at any opportunity to demonstrate your knowledge of the theory of relativity and capacity for hilarity.
5. “The Jackson”
If you’re questioning the very purpose of this post, then you may be already sporting “The Jackson.” You’ve been looking around, reading, and wondering: Why is everyone making such a fuss? So we’re socially distant—ha! You alone know what true psychological horror is. Your hair? Meh. Just pin it out of your face, wipe your glasses, and get back to work. This beautiful solitude is just what you’ve been waiting for, and the no-nonsense look of “The Jackson” will free you to take full advantage of it.
6. “The Tennyson”
And finally we come to the quarantine look that you probably don’t need to consciously emulate since it’s likely you’ve been doing it already: not a whole lot of much beyond picking a giant hat and hiding as much of your face as possible. Congratulations: you’re rocking “The Tennyson.” While we’re pretty sure that there’s only one Tennyson hat (and we’re pretty sure that’s just its name) anything large enough to cover up your hair counts. Plus, if you can get your hands on a beard dense enough to serve as a mask, by all means go for it. Note that the side effects of wearing a giant, broad-brimmed hat include a desire to write awesome poetry and serve at the Queen’s pleasure. Or adopt cats and practice witchcraft. Either way, win win.
Anything we’ve missed? Probably! But since we’re still maintaining social distance, wearing masks, and protecting one another, we’ll continue to find ways to express ourselves through apathy and cosmetic neglect.