Many of us spent some time this Father’s Day contemplating the man who raised us. Who is he really? Find out by answering the most vital question: which father figure from Harry Potter is your dad?
1. Your algebra homework has come to a grinding halt. You do what you always do in times of trouble and go to your dad. He
a. looks at your paper, mumbles something unintelligible, and makes you a large cup of strong tea.
b. explains the whole thing enthusiastically and leaves you more confused than ever but strangely comforted.
c. explains with perfect clarity exactly what has you confused, helps you fix your mistakes, and also resolves that existential crisis you didn’t know he knew you were having.
d. wonders why you’re worrying about this when it’s not due until next week and proposes a rousing game of Mario Kart.
2. Your dad announces you are all going on a vacation that will entail
a. volunteer work at the habitat for endangered wolf spiders.
b. a statewide tour of museums of history and industry.
c. exciting new locations that he doesn’t really describe and an adventure that you wish you knew more about.
d. traveling like Che Guevara on motorcycles through South America, stopping frequently for parties and beef jerky.
3. You’re in the throes of your first breakup, and nothing could be worse. Your dad knocks at your door and you postpone your agony just long enough to let him in. He
a. shuffles his feet, gives you roughly expressed but surprisingly wise advice, and goes to make you a large cup of strong tea.
b. relates an anecdote that doesn’t seem terribly relevant but that nonetheless lets you know he loves you and makes you feel better.
c. gently helps you prioritize the things that really matter via the Socratic method.
d. tells you it’s your ex’s loss, reminds you there are other fish in the sea, and paints a compelling picture of the freedom and advantages of being single.
4. It’s your birthday, and your dad offers to make the cake. After a day out with friends, you return to the house and step into the kitchen to find
a. a lumpy, rock-like cake, a proud father, and a warm hug that makes you forget the lumpy cake.
b. an interesting-looking cake but no kitchen; he got distracted by inefficiencies in your mom’s setup and is in the process of remodeling.
c. the best lemon meringue pie you’ve ever tasted.
d. not only a cake but a massive party that seems to have been going on for some time before you got there.
5. Your house is on fire. Your dad
a. scoops you, your mom, your siblings, and the dog into his arms and hits the pavement running.
b. accidentally caused it, but does manage to put it out with reasonable haste and only minimal damage.
c. puts the flames out with grace, speed, and a gentle joke tossed over his shoulder.
d. deliberately caused it, but only so he could remodel the dining room.
6. Your dad surprises you with a new pet. You open the box to find
a. no pet, some alarming dents, and an enlarged ventilation hole.
b. a dog reputed to be clever, but whose only skill appears to be getting food out of your pockets.
c. a lovely bird with large, wise eyes.
d. a small tiger.
7. It’s an important day. You ask your dad what you should wear. He
a. expresses enthusiasm for what you are wearing, which, as you have not yet made a decision, is a bathrobe.
b. discourses on historical modes and what you would wear if you lived in the time of Charlemagne, which doesn’t really help you decide but at least puts things in perspective.
c. recommends something colorful and a little flamboyant.
d. recommends you go naked, and upon receiving the full force of your disapproval, finds in your closet something tasteful that also makes you look cool.
Tally the results!
Now it’s time to do the math. Or spelling. Figure out which letter you have the most of, and find your Harry Potter dad below.
a. Rubeus Hagrid: A little rough around the edges, your dad has a heart of gold. He probably can’t tell you what to wear to that important occasion or how to do your algebra homework, but he’ll always be there to offer roughly spoken wisdom and large cups of tea. He’s a source of comfort and courage you’re lucky to have. The weird pets are just a bonus.
b. Arthur Weasley: Though his enthusiasm sometimes leads to confusion (or housefires), you always get the message—he loves you tons, and he’s with you all the way. He’s also going to make sure you learn a thing or two, and since his curiosity about the world is catching, you’ll be a font of knowledge (or at least solid party trivia).
c. Albus Dumbledore: An intimidating blend of social and technical perfection, he’s nonetheless softened by warmth, compassion, and a frighteningly good understanding of you. Sure, once in a while you wish he’d explain himself, but on the whole you know he’s making you into a smart, self-sufficient cookie capable of making your own decisions in tight places.
d. Sirius Black: He’s the life of the party, and though occasionally you long for an ordinary day or a quiet evening, you know you wouldn’t want anything less. Life’s not always easy, so you should live it up while you can—and your dad is going to make sure you make the most of it.
Images via the Harry Potter series’ chapter illustrations and Buzzfeed.